Actually nothing much happened on the internet this week.
Ha ha JK LOLS not really. This week we have the usual deafening outpouring of humanity from the world wide web.
Number 6 listens so you don’t have to! So, firstly:
It was a bumper week for #nerdporn:
Firstly, Daniel Radcliffe rapping:
– and also saying sensible things about Emma Watson and the early sexualisation of girls:
Then Elle magazine (that well-known feminist magazine, in no way obsessed with rigid standards of female beauty) jostled lots of men into wearing ‘This is what a feminist looks like’ t-shirts. Now leaving aside the ethics of this, this was #nerdporn jackpot time:
Even these two looked kinda cute:
And finally, the lovely Mr Cumberbatch added to the #nerdporn vault by writing some ACTUAL nerdporn, causing half the women in the country to say ‘gosh’ very quietly.
Everyone hates Russell Brand – and I mean EVERYONE*.
Sheep on remote Welsh hillsides, that Vietcong soldier still hiding in the jungle – they all hate him. Even the Ebola virus reportedly won’t touch him with a decontamination suit.
I’m even starting to feel a bit sorry for him myself – well about as sorry as anyone can for a man with 8.5m Twitter followers, currently romantically entangled with beautiful, politically-engaged heiress Jemima Goldsmith.
My favourite moment in the swirling maelstrom of bile about Brand this week was the spat-out insult on Radio 4 as a ‘working-class intellectual’ – ye Gods, this is what happens when we start teaching the proles to read! Next minute it’s all HEGEMONY and VACUITY and ‘massive redistribution of wealth to disturb the status quo’.
NEXT WEEK – Brand gets chased out of town by a bunch of irate R4 listeners and UKIP councillors yelling – ‘he’s just not SERIOUS enough!’.
ALSO NEXT WEEK – Russell Brand’s book coincidentally #6 on Amazon chart.
A woman went for a walk through New York and put it on the internet, and then everyone talked about it all week.
(As a side bar, do you every think about how you might explain the early days of the internet to your grandchildren?
‘So, you were an internet pioneer grandma! How did you make use of this incredible capacity to communicate with anyone on the planet and have access to all the things every made and written?’
‘Um, well there was a very funny thing about cats riding on a robotic vacuum cleaner oh and we solved sexism by arguing about a woman walking through New York for ten hours!’
The film, if you haven’t seen it, showed a woman dressed in jeans and a crew neck t shirt walking around the streets of NY for ten hours and recorded all the times that men called out to her.
The comments on the original article were so predictable that they could have been (were?) written by robots – ‘she’d soon complain if no one shouted at her!’, ‘yeah, film a man doing that for 10 hours and see how many woman shout out comments to him!’, ‘oh so it’s sexual harassment to walk silently next to a woman for five minutes without speaking to her now! Bloody hell, PC gone mad!’
And (my absolute favourite this) ‘what did she expect, going out in public with those ENORMOUS BREASTS!’. Yeah, this slut should definitely have left her breasts behind at home in the breast cabinet like all decent women.
The punchline to this particularly painful episode in Showing Us Everything We Already Know was that the actress in the clip received rape and death threats, proving once again how we definitely #dontneedfeminism.
Some comedian I never heard of complained that there weren’t enough UKIP supporting comedians or indeed right wing comedians at all on the telly any more.
Quite right my love, if only we could be back in the 70s and 80s with Jim Davidson doing his Chalky impression (recently homaged by Mike Read Calypso style) and Bernard Manning, who claimed that telling jokes about Pakis, N*****rs and C**ns didn’t make him a racist, because a black man once invited him to do a testimonial for him. Manning was the kind of comic that would play terrifically well at the UKIP conference:
Man says to his wife: ‘Pack your bags, I’ve won the pools.’
She says: ‘What should I pack? Something light, something warm? Where are we going?’
He says: ‘We’re going nowhere. Just pack your bags and f*** off.
This comic complained that ‘right wing’ comics like him were sidelined because of (I am not making this up) ‘ethnics’ and ‘women-posing-as-comedians’ (careful, Andrew, you might give yourself away with those kind of remarks).
Andrew should maybe try the circuit of Working Men’s Clubs and Miners’ Welfare – oh wait…
Most hilariously of all, Mr Lawrence then tried to defend his comments as somehow ‘brave’ and ‘anti-establishment’ (because we are living in a through the looking glass world where slagging of ‘ethnics’ is ‘courageous’ and demonising immigrants as causing the problems in this country can be painted as ‘courageous’).
Yeah stick it to those illegals, Andrew! Stand up for the oppressed white men!
In a similarly brave move, UKIP did their bit this week for cultural diversity by allowing Far Right activists Britain First a photo-opportunity:
Vote UKIP, get Britain First!
Then, even more bravely, used some pictures of young girls (in no way exploitatively) to try and get more votes in he PCC elections in Rochdale, part of UKIP’s brave campaign to bravely out everyone as a paedophile who doesn’t support UKIP.
Did not one of those smiling folk think – hmmm, this might be a tiny bit, er, tacky? Maybe I don’t want my smiling mug right underneath this on the internet for all eternity?
Sadly, the electorate responded to this bravely exploitative campaign by voting in the Labour representative. Probably because they’re all paedophiles. You can insert your own Bernard Manning joke here.
There are 800,000 ceramic poppies filling the moat of the Tower of London – and it is spectacular and touching and beautiful.
For some reason, the poignant display was libelled by being described as like UKIP. The ‘logic’ of this escapes me, but I think it goes something like – if I put UKIP in this headline, it will be controversial and more people will click on it.
It is quite a sight – and everyone who sees in it experiences their own thoughts and feelings about it. To suggest that your experience, or mine, can be generalised and demeaned is crass in the extreme, and shame on such cheap journalistic tricks.
*except me – I quite like the guy. I appreciate this means that I will mean I am about to be chased out of town with pitchforks too.