Generally Unelectable

 

nigel-farage-british-ukip-barmy

I don’t know about you but when I heard the other day that it was still 100 days to the General Election, I was filled with a delight impossible to name.

100 days left! How marvellous to think that we still have three whole months left of the bickering, name-calling and trumped-up pointless tribal warfare!

After all, it used to be such fun to have four lovely long weeks of campaigning, so of course four months is unspeakably delightful.

Of course the downside with such a long campaign ahead, is that even the most devoted voter can start to get a little weary – through sheer delight of course.

So I thought I would put together a little quiz to test whether you have been paying attention to all the exciting and extremely logical ‘news’ ‘stories’ that we have all enjoyed since the beginning of the campaign.

Good luck! And don’t forget to register to vote!

  1. Are you registered to vote?
    1. Yes of course I am. I’ve been registered to vote for years.
    2. No, because the Coalition government / Caesar Augustus has decided to take everyone off the register and then make them return to the place of their birth and lie in a manger or something. This is the best way to serve the interests of democracy. Apparently.
    3. I don’t care because I never vote because it never changes things. Apart from all the times it changes things.
  1. Is this man a racist?186442-nigel-farage-ukip-leader-holding-up-a-ukip-badge-at-the-launch-of-the-partys-manifesto-in-edinbur

A. I do not wish to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t much fancy being subjected to a lot of missplet insults from the Offical Book of UKIP insults – e.g. ‘Liebour-loving peedo lefty-sheeple!’

B. No no because making wild and nasty generalisations and judgements about people on the grounds of their nationality is NOT racism despite the very clear legal definition – it is COMMON SENSE! Everyone naturally conforms to their national stereotypes and anyone attempting to suggest that, for example, perhaps individuals might differ from crude stereotypes is just a confusing lie put about by Liebour-loving peedo lefty-sheeple!

C. Check my Youtube channel for a longer answer to this questions. Comments disabled.

  1. Does this man, a resident of Monte Carlo, with an estimated fortune of £7.5bn who moved Boots from Britain to Switzerland following his private equity-backed buyout in order to avoid paying tax in this country – does he have the best interests of the country at heart?

Stefano_Pessina

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A. Yes of course. He is a BUSINESSMAN. And they all wear bowler hats and carry rolled up newspapers and ALWAYS have the best interests of the country at heart when they board the 8.24 from Croydon. Also, ALL businessmen are the same and he speaks for them ALL. OK? Also businesses are super at running things, like Tesco and HSBC and Woolworths and Rumbelows.

B. Well he has made a lot of money so that is a super thing right? And if we tried to protect workers’ rights or something, then businessmen like him would move their businesses out of the country and then we would lose tax revenues oh HOLD ON….

C. I would like to boycott Boots but I have got LOADS of points on my Advantage Card and they have a FABULOUS range of nail varnish.

  1. Will UKIP win the General Election?
    1. HA.
    2. UKIP ALL THE WAY! Anyone who says differently is just in a conspiracy with the pollsters, the political analysts, the bookies and The Establishment, who want to upset the cause of democracy by not letting the party with 14% of the vote become the outright winners.
    3. Parklife!

Mostly A’s – you are possibly working for the BBC. Thanks for taking care of our unbiased reporting! Good work.

Mostly B’s – Farage for PM! Most likely in coalition with the Greens.

Mostly C’s – you may well be Russell Brand. Have a quick check, why don’t you.

About number6

I am not a number, I am a free woman. More or less.
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2 Responses to Generally Unelectable

  1. Richard says:

    I ticked the none of the above box. Which is ironic when you think about it…

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